Redesign

This blog look looks utterly lame.

I will fucking change it..

hopefully..

so scram!

till further notice*

Making History

5 goals in one match.. trashing Blackburn 7-1.

Thank you for making my day berbatov!

Things couldn't just get better now.

Faded

Dreams can be shattered if you can't keep the promises..

For example..

me

I couldn't understand whats been going with me for the past months,

It's like I can't do the things that I love, like designing the works that I had, I had lost my touch of drawings..

I'm beginning to fail myself, I had the worst performance of my life in semester 5.

and still I couldn't figure out why?!

People surrounding me couldn't understand what I've been through..

All they think is their advice is right and just move the fuck on!

well, fuck you! All those words are worthless if you cant put your finger on the problems I've had for the past months.

You cant look through it, you cant analyze it for me..and if you cant do those shit, shut the fuck up! 

YOUR MAKING IT WORST!!

the only way is I handle it my own..

I'm better on my own, I never needed help in my life, I struggle alone, I face my problems alone, I face my fear alone, everything I do is ALONE!

I don't like to involve others as is because its not their problems and if anything happens to them, it will be ON ME!!!

Now, thank God everything is over for awhile, Hoping for a great Christmas alongside old buddy's of mine, and I couldn't be more happier than before.. 

and Baba Vanga, stop predicting the world will be in shattered misery next year.. I still have my hopes and dreams to reach pier beach..don't let us humans down, we still wanna live a beautiful life..

Who cares?

I don't give a fuck anymore... What I get in return was always a smack in the face.. I'm tired of everything, Now I'll do everything I can just to get the fuck out of this fucking place! 


You heard me.. FUCK IT! SUCK IT UP YOU ARSE!

I don't care

the title says it all......

All I want

All I wanted the most is now

to start a new life

start from scratch

from new friends to new home for myself.

I need a new hope..

I'm desperate to find one..

everyday it hurts me for what I'm about to go through..

some of my friends were heartless, disrespect and fucking rude!

all I did was doing my work and ignoring the possibilities of other worlds thats happening surrounding me..

but still, they come back to haunt me like i'm a piece of meat..

I just cant stand it..

I can break down anytime..

I mean I love all my friends no matter what they did.

I still love all of you, my family,my pets my hometown..

but everything seems to be some sort of shattered memories thats ready to be erase and to be thrown at my face..

and you think it's funny, if I was the same old bad kid like the last time. 

I bet you'll be thinking twice about who are you messing with..

I just want to have a normal, simple, entertaining, lovable life, and most importantly.. privacy!

I hate those FUCKING gossip who think they are the single most funniest people in the whole wide world,

if there was a gun right now, I would have shoot you in fucking balls and arse!

God, thats all im asking.. I dont want to be in my hometown anymore, I just wanna be in my dream world now, the place that i've been chasing for years and years.. 

hopefully in 9 months..I'll be there.. 

and I hope i'll be given a chance..to change myself to a better person that now..

=[  

Burn

I hate this freaking place already.

Home, yea..Fuck that! Everything seems to be a fucked up thing.

Every week surely there will be a mess that has to do with us.

Who the FUCK do you think you are?

Were not your fucking dogs you bitch!

I cant run away from those mess as long I'm still here, Ignoring will be worst.

so how stupid can you guys be anyway?

If you think your right all the time, then stop messing around with people like us.

We din't want any of this either, yet you say its our fault!

Stupid, imbecile, low life scum!

I..HATE..THIS..FREAKING..PLACE!

If I ever had a chance to leave now to a better place,

I would take it! 

Changes

I believe in what I'm capable of

The reason why I cant make it right

Thats because I dint help myself

I dint put faith in myself.

So now I see it..

I want to get those things going and start myself a new way of improving myself

This is just the beginning.

10 more months.

and I'm out of this freaking hell town of mine!

I countdown the days and months cause it keeps my dream alive!

and I WILL NOT LET THAT DREAMS FADE AWAY!

not even a little!

Where I'm going is where my dreams are waiting for me.

and I'm going to achieve that no matter what it takes

Whatever my friends says about my dreams, 

I see you as a Negative impression..

If You are my friend, then you yourself should have a dream of your own and chase it!

Why stop me if I'm not stopping you.. 

Whats wrong with me?

I open my lungs, to breath in forgiveness and love

Haunting me now reminders of how I used to be

And on the road my troubles are sure to follow

Looking out the window, the hell if I know where will I go

I cant wait to leave.

I'm begging to leave..

I hated it here 

I hate.

The Loser

When that feelings come

Its just felt like I'm an idiot..I take things for granted.

I regret for all the things and chances I have not taken.. 

I cant stand my own attitude either..

I'm glad im not doing this on anyone, cause I know it would hurt them..badly

Why cant that attitute of mine change?

Well it sucks to be me..

It does.

Indeed I am the Loser.

but No matter how loser am I.. God is always there..I know he is.

He's the only one who knows what I'm going through..

I wish to change in this coming months.

If only we could really wish..

Answered Prayer

It sounds like a Dream come true..

finally, I can finally breath easily for the 1st time in my entire life

Taking my own world to Perth would be a great idea

Now I cant wait to Graduate next year, but I know I have to struggle and work hard to obtain a better results than before.

but still, a relive that I was given a green light to go there.

but I'm still not giving up on my chase to California.

couldn't think much now..so hopefully my Prayers are answer again next year.

lets see what fate lies ahead of me

Thank You GOD! 

Let me go

Going insane..

Insane again and again! 

1 more year, and I'm finally free from everything!

The lies and every single Fucking thing!

FUCK YOU ALL!

people shit!

The Sins of My Young

I should stop myself from Chasing you

I though I had a Chance..

Once again...I'm a dumb guy! When will I ever learn?!

My own mistakes lead to this unsolved problem of mine

Me..

I've had enough, Chasing my dreams are better than Chasing You..

Chances not Taken!

I know what to do after all.

Research always works for me..

And I hope my plan and thinking will be working.

Hoping for it happen, means I have to take this patiently for a month or two

Will it succeed? 

Well,I hope..Whatever plans I have, It's always been working..

Get ready to get Shock my friends(if it does happen)

If it doesn't..then Move Along is the only thing I can do.

I will survive?

Why does it has to turn it out this way?!

Fuck!!!

Why cant I stop being depressed for at least a month!

Things just go from bad to worst.

Killing myself would make hell and misery to others instead.

I felt like jumping from a cliff! and hoping that everything were back and start over again in the beginning..

God..help me in this one..

I just cant take it!

I felt the burden on my shoulder and my head felt like it's going to freaking explode into thin air!

whatever that means..

miss the beach somehow..dint get to see the sunset and sunrise! =[

Say

I don't want you

Cause i wasn't chasing you!

Ahh.... Why does it have to turn out this way around??!

Why does my Love life have to be difficult?

I tried my best, but in the end..it turns out to be different..

I meant different results..

and Friends are always there to not believe in you when your telling the truth.

call that a FRIEND huh..

Closer To You

All that I'm after is life full of laughter

As long I'm laughing with you

All that still matter is a Love ever after.

The 5th Wave!

Survived semester 4!

Results were..

well Sucks...what the heck?! 

I din't repeat any subject,that matters..

And i swear on my Cats grave i need to change my habit of sending my work late!!

Like that will ever happen!

Time

 It fly's by us Fast enough till we din't even notice it

Changes everyone at the same time

Had I change?

That question is only for God to know

I felt miserable each day

I never knew why...

Never did

5 more months till 2011

How i cant wait for that day to come..

From that day onwards

 

I wanted my life means something

and To find the purpose of my living my life

Empty Again

I tried to fill some emptiness 

Till i had it all spilled over

Everything's so far away

That I don't know who I am

When all that i wanted

And all that I have

Don't seem so much

For Me to Hold On..

Your mind is the scene of the crime

Watch the movie twice now

I have to watch it one more time, this time.. with a proper attire 

For two times I've been watching the movie with short pants

And it ain't fun

Cause it was freezing cold

Inception was

Mind blowing! Epic Movie! 

Dream on Christoper Nolan

Pain..Its just a Simple Compromise

I will never bother You

never promise to

never follow you( i never did)

never bother you (even this)

never speak a word again

I will crawl away away for good

Things have never been so swell

I have never failed to fail 

Pain!

You know your right

*this goes to you for forgetting your own friends who had been with you over the years

yet, i still want to forgive but i felt like Killing myself instead 

Dead Tired

Rock climbing

I know its a nice and cool sports..

I though it was easy

well, I though...

Now I'm dead tired

I cant feel my hands and legs

My head is the only thing that survived, well mostly..

Belia program was far most tired event ever

Eventually it was my fault.

Careless about myself..

but Overall everything was Fun.. Worth it..and uhh.. thats about it?

I'm still in Pain while blogging now.

Love-less

I've been so trying hard

but not hard enough, to try/show and to love someone. which is not my 'gf' but still a friend.

I don't have that much confident in myself nowadays..why?!

I just don't want to ruin a perfect Friendship

I never want to make the same mistakes twice..

But i just kept thinking bout it everyday

plus that Dreams of mine which makes it worst for myself

I think by Christmas I'll  be crazy, unsecured,hopeless and broken

If this problem and attitude of mine goes on

I could end up like HIM!

hopefully not.

that would be THE END of me.

Was it a dream?

I hated it when it suddenly happens in a Dream

Makes me wonder

How am i suppose to cope with my studies with this kind of situation

It Sucks real bad

Plus i hated it when someone kept saying whats the point of you going there?

Well, smart ass.. 

Its my life dammit! Not yours! 

Who are you to judge me where i wanted to live my dreams

Chances to be different and to see different side of the world!

and No one is stopping me, no one!

Few more weeks to class begins

and I'm raring to go and do my work

Ignore others,do my work and save myself

(according to one my lecturers)

When he told me that 2 semester ago.. 

I dint take that seriously

till now

The Signal

7 more days

for season 2

of ALAN WAKE!

Monday Blues

For the first time since my Holiday

It was the most relaxing Monday Morning ever

I slept well

I dint have to do any work

Like driving and all that.

Just relaxing

Then hopefully tonight will get to hang out with Friends that i hadn't met since Holiday started

Things just couldn't get any better 

From Yesterday

I wanna bury my head in the sands 

I wanna forget about all the shit and fucked up things that had ever happen to me

I just want to be Free 

From everything

I want to start a New Life

For myself

Its that a Bad Thing to ask?

If it isn't

Then why is it so hard just to Reach it?

That Picture

When Dreams can eventually makes me desperate for that Reality

Its been awhile now since i started to lose my mind.

I don't really care what it takes to reach that dreams of mine

I will find a way

and 

I will never Give up..

Oceanside,California.

wait for me.

Misguided

Seems that chasing my impossible dreams

seems pretty Impossible after all

that burden i felt.

i really wanna leave this Hell

i hated it so much

i hated the situation more every time as i woke in the morning thinking that i could not reach my dreams

I cant stop thinking about it everyday..

It echo me in circles 24-7

i couldn't sleep properly

i couldn't eat

i couldn't think

i couldn't play games

i cant even think properly

i really do wish that i can make a wish through airplanes

i wanted start a new life for myself

but that pain, is just a simple compromise.

i couldn't care less about myself now

i felt like Giving Up for real.

in everything

Disturbed

Im disturbed enough already

so

Stop bothering me! 

My mind is going insanely crazy like shit! 

Holidays

Its Holiday, and i'm bored to D e a t h ! !

I was suppose to be happy but i wasn't..

Sleepless night, do some routine work, alone at home staring at the wall

for Christ sake even the walls in my room are sick of me staring at them!!

My cat & dog ignores me, sleep & eat thats all they do..

I dint even went to Rainforest! 

i know it'll be bored and expensive, unlike last time which is more nicer! 

no offence, im just moody now..

~sigh~

next semester im sem 5!

hope to relive my Dreams from there,

so that i can get the FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Life sucks?

Is it? 

I just need to find that simple answer on whats the meaning and the purpose of my life..

and then i wont say it SUCKS!!

Nick Vujicic

He inspires me starting this month!

Dont give up, Keep chasing your dreams!

he has No Arms No Legs.. yet he says No worries 

Thank you Nick! 

2011..a year before the end of the world...

Will i reach my dreams next year? 

can i do it?

i know i can.

when i'm push to my limits.. i am capable of doing anything..

i just have to trust on myself..

i just need a little Faith for myself

i'll do whatever it takes to reach that impossible dreams of mine..  

Who am i?

I'm a Loser

yay!

so go fuck yourself you people who thinks shit about me! 

i have the right to do what i want!

it's my freaking LIFE!

not YOURS!! 

bitches!!

Jam Mode

What if i wanted to break

Laugh it all off in your face

What would you do?

What if i fell to the floor

Couldn't take this anymore

What would you do, do, do?

Come Break me down

Bury me bury me

i am finished with you

[ performing the kill of 30 seconds to mars ]

Jamming

letting the real me out..

and forget those shitty things that happen to me before.

Fear The Future

Another Horror Survivor Game

That keeps me awake!

Love the details and Story lines.

Nice game play too

but still i cant wait for Alan Wake

so Fear The Future..

I can sleep Happy Now

2 - 1 is all Utd need..

Thank You Park JeSung!

and of course Rafa, who hated his own players..

whoops.

hah..

Glory Glory Man Utd!

8 games to go

Who will win?

it's 1-1 now. in 23rd min.. 

God i hope Man Utd Win...

Why?

ever wonder why, ask yourself first.

your still in ME n my MIND

Discombabulate

Seems to be that i'm improving my life

REASONS:

I've done my work on time

I just do the Job and Go

Ignoring the past 

but,i still felt there's something missing

..i just cant keep my mind off of it..

Everyone tells me I've changed but the truth is, I've just stop living my life their way.

This came from my heart that you've hurt

Why me?

Why i was the unlucky guy for you?

You were never honest to me

Now i'm gonna break your heart

Tear you to pieces

and 

Rip you apart..

mark my word.

i don't show anymore sympathy for your innocent looks

One day i'll get you

one day.  

Putrefaction

I don't give a DAMN about anyone.. 

Fuck You if you think that i'm useless and your way better.

Lets see how it goes this year! 

I'll make hell for you

[ Referring to someone who looks down on me ] 

i . . . . . h o p e

I'm not running away,I just want to get the hell out of here!

Last year i posted that i'm moving to KL for further studies

i don't remember if i did post about this

but what the heck.

I dint made it there..

I'm still stuck here..

with all the memories and past

Crap..

I fell apart

I guess i'm not moving on after all

wonder why..

she just comes out of my mind every time 

not to mean that she comes out

but

i think about her all the time

i wish i could live the past again

i wish i could..

i wish everything went well as friends instead

believe me.

i need to do a Russian Roulette on myself

but i don't have a Revolver

I'm just your typical everyday Loser!

(emo again?)

What has happened cannot be undone no matter how we want it to be. You have been a Great Friend. Rest In Peace, You will be greatly miss 

1990-2010

Jason Kiu

I'll remember the time we use to hang out in Form 1 and 2.

Those were the days buddy.

They Say

I may look like i'm not moving on

but I am.

I'm adapting to my new found path

I learn not to be Emo

I learn not be Depressed

It sucks being that way

Believe me

I have 4 more days to the End of my work 

and 

I'm back to class!

I know I've said that i wanted to change myself to start doing my work but not by the last min all the time

 i really think that i can do that

I mite be separated from my previous classmates and buddy's

it's a sign that's saying i should be more determine and confidence in what i do these days

My work

My relationships

My health 

My behavior

My attitude of being Alone!

I want to change all those.

but remain as the same all Tim to everyone who had known me,as a friend i mean

It's time for me to follow my new path 

and improved myself this year

I will

I don't care what people say and talk about me

Those bullshit are not True, and i got nothing in return if i Fight back

I walk the line, The line i choose

Im Sick

Enough said..

title says it all

why bother writing? 

just happy not going to work today.

hooray.. 

and Next week will be my final week at Sidewalk!

100th anniversary

The History of Old Trafford.

19 Feb 1910 - 19 Feb 2010

100 years of Old Trafford.

Proud to be a Manchester United Fan!

Win,Lose or Draw

Doesn't matter,I'm a United Fan for Life!

GLORY GLORY MAN UTD!!

No roads left

Standing alone with no direction

How did i fall so far behind?

Why am i searching for perfection?

Knowing it's something i wont find.

In my fears and flaw, I let myself down again,all because.....

I run.

Ever wonder what happen to me for this past years?

I know that i'm changing from bad to worst to miserable.

Over the past year since high school,

I've suddenly have changed to someone that i dint expect out of me

I'm an Alcoholic

Smoker

and 

Bad Temper

What can i do to change that?

What?!!

My Friends said that I've been too quite.

i know that I'm always quite,

but what am i suppose to do?

I did my best, i tried till it hurt myself.

I'm just a typical lame guy i guess

I never did step up to do anything right

I never did gain Confidence at all

I'm just..

Nothing.

When did i lose my sense of purpose? 

Can i regain whats lost inside?

Why does my pain look like my pride?

Why do i feel like i deserve this?

Deafening Voices

"Can somebody please just explain to me

What happened to the way that we always said we'd be

Right now i don't know why i push through the pain that i got through

And i'm losing hope, tell me one reason not to."

Predict

I knew it

i know that i wont last long at Sidewalk..

this could be my final month there.

reasons?

due to my results

n

performance

i really need to step up my gear to get a good results

jz receive my results yesterday.

and it was bad bad bad!

not that bad

but really bad

I gt a B+ for photography

C- for Comp. Graphic

the rest

Life drawing

History of art

Design studies

i got a freaking D

and my GPA is like 1.24 something

and i have to pay full semester fees due to my GPA!

FCUK!

i really regret for not pushing myself doing my work last sem.

i promise for a Change

and i will change it

i'll do every single thing i can do jz to get a Good good Results!

and nothing is goin to stop me.

i hope... =/

And I'm Back

Where was i..

Oh ya..

Fallout 3,left 4 dead 2,Star wars,Bayonetta,Devil may cry,Wanted,Dark sector,Halo ODST,Halo 3,Prototype,The Saboteur,Wet,Prince of persia,Alone in the dark,Brutal legend,Bourne Conspiracy,Fuel,Pure,Condemned,Terminator,Dead Space n F.E.A.R!

Story lines, game ideas, design concept, sketches are all in my mind.

the only thing i'm hoping is that i wont fail any 1 of my freaking ass subject!

if i did.. well.. i guess i have to start all over.

now..

to work

My job at Sidewalk

was not bad at all

jz that its really really tired when there's lot of costumers.

the one thing i hated about costumers

that some of them are freaking asshole and a bitch!

but in the end i'll make them pay more.. yes,u mess with me, i'll mess with ur bills and food!

i don't care if u don't have enough cash, never ever for ever never so ever be fucking rude.

with me.

Post Mortem

1 hour to work

and i'm blogging.

1st i was so exited to work

now

well..i'm just playing game the whole time.

ha ha?

27 days to class

at least i can design more stuff due to a lot of imaginative ideas i got from games

Gears of War, Assassins Creed,Bioshock,Grid,Godfather,Resident Evil 5,Silent Hill:Homecoming,Mass Effect,Army of Two,Tekken 6,King of Fighters,Skate,GTA IV, Call Of Duty, Wolfvernstien, Darksiders and i'll continue more later on.

OFF TO WORK!

I had to tell the world

I'll be working tomorrow!

finally..no more boredom.

i wanna work work work!

Waiter or Bartender.

i don't give a damn.

Hello 'Sidewalk!'

For Haiti

http://www.musicforrelief.org/

To The Edge.

I just cant get enough of Left 4 Dead 2 these days

it's like every week i had to go to Gizmo just to play it

altho i had the game in my Xbox360

but playing in Pc is still the best experience..

Holidays has been really crappy

went to find jobs on Monday

tried Memories , Sony , Copal Digital..

not much

but i'm hoping and really wanted to work at Sony at Boulavard

i really wanted to work

but at the same thing in my mind

i don't wanna work!

cause there's a Photography Workshop this Friday at Campus..

crap..

i want to go for that too.

i really really really MISS COLLEGE LIFE!!!!

i miss being lazy

i miss being Busy doing ASSignments

i miss hanging out with friends and all the great lecturers and staff!!

i felt ALIVE when i'm there.

but DEAD at home!

Class begins on March!

and now its like 20th of January?!!

how long do i have to wait!!!?

gaahhh!

and out of the blue

I miss someone so badly..

i cant believe i still think about her

but life must go on without her..

hoping for a new leap of change this year..

Was not

I'm so freaking lazy to update these days.

no mood at all.

boredom really struck me well this new year.

crap.

enough of that..

i cant wait for interview tomorrow.

i need that freaking JOB

i need MONEY

like i said.

2010 will be different.

i'll make myself as bz as possible.

so what?

i don't care what others think about me

i am what i am

this is me

i don't give a fuck whoever you are

is either your Miss Popular,Or Mr Popular

well my ass you guys sucks!

people like you only think about fame!

talk shit about us while you dint even realize that your the shitty one's.

ok i had enough.

Lan Cau!

Counting

1 month and 26 days left

to class

what the Fcuk am i going to do that long.

First of all, i would love to go to the Big Night Out at Singapore next month

i have money,passport,transportation,shelter..except for food

but i don't think my parents would be that crazy enough to let me go there alone

unless its KL.

sigh

how i wish to get out of this miserable life

maybe when i started my degree i can go

hopefully

at least to Lasalle College of Art in Singapore would just be good enough

if not

i'll just see what i can do

my holidays are fcuking bored

all i do

watching movie at MBO

went to hang out at town

alone

as always

no one even bother tho

at least i can enjoy the cold breezy night at Waterfront

since it's school time

none of those suckers and son of a bitch is there anymore

what a life eh?

Thoughts

I'm kinda numb

It's so distorted 

You left me here with

This DAMAGE that you caused

My tortured faces

Those fucked up places

In my memories

None of them I've lost

But

I haven't been here long enough to know

Every time I feel this I just LOSE control

Such a cancer on the face of everything that's beautiful

I Wish that this would just go

It's kinda sick

I feel so dirty

I'm kinda tragic

Kinda insecure

But i know

That i'm the only

One that can fix

Whatever wrong i'm sure

But

I feel so Alone

From all I've become 

I'll take you down

I feel so down

I'm water while you drown

You're lifted while I'm down

I'm cancer in your womb

I'm the needle in your spoon

Just go

With all these fucking lies

All these fucking lies

Im not

Why does everyday of my life

i have to go through this kind of shit?

just a little misunderstanding and joking around

they take it serious!

you wanna know the reasons why?

well

here it is.

your my friend, and you know who i am if i play around cause i was never serious at it

i respect your time with family and other friends

i don't bother when you say your not free at all

the thing is

all i wanted is a Friend to hang out with

now tell me..whats wrong with that?

i don't have any cool cousins or brother who brings me to club, or futsal or hagging out

just for your information

I've live my life ALONE for the past years!

ALONE!

Have you ever felt that loneliness,emptiness, that freaking hole is getting bigger and bigger every single day!

fcuk i even go out alone

watch movie alone

drink liquor by my own!

especially when i don't have that much friends to hang out with!

i'm not a cool guy

i gotta admit i'm just typical douche bag loser!

I live my life alone,alone and alone

just to have a Friend to hang out with

is just enough

maybe i don't deserve any friends

i don't think anyone knows how i feel

only God knows how suffering i am

an END to my life would just be good enough for me

and it'll make me

Happy.