Its been a long time I haven't blog in this blog of mine, looks dead but doesn't matter.
Its been one hell of a ride for me for the past 3 years, and now that I'm currently staying and studying in Sheffield Hallam University. Great place, friendly people, altho the weather can be a lil bit annoying as it constantly changing from raining to sunny windy cold breeze day. I could go sick by just staying outside for one whole day.
Its been a week plus since I arrive, and it has been emotional for me since the day I arrive, yes, very very emotional.
Phase 1
The day I arrive at Sheffield, it was hard for me, extremely hard as I miss my Girlfriend the most, I do miss her very dearly. By the end of the year it will be our 2 year Anniversary, and I hope we can go on for many years to come in the future.
After a few days of tears that I tried to hide, I finally manage to overcome it, as contacting and keeping in touch with her was easy, altho time difference was a bitch. Im wide awake when everyone is asleep. So yeah, you could basically imagine how hard is it for me to handle it. I have no friends here, so my parents decided to stay with me for the week and went off to London for a holiday.
Phase 2
It was the day I though I could handle everything, my emotions especially, it was hard for my parents too actually, I know my mum will miss me the most. All my life, I have never been separated from my family, 23 years I stayed at home and never left. Exception from my brother and sis who comes and goes, but they were adults, so my parents knew that they can handle themselves.
As for me, I was a fragile kid, I get sick easily and prone to injuries, so you could picture that how my parents would be worry about me when Im going to be away from home for 3 years. And I was a mummy's boy too btw, andddd I got sick on the first day I arrive too anyway.
So, the day they left Sheffield, is the day I start my own Journey, I though I could handle it. I was wrong. As I hug them before they left for the airport at the bus station, it was hard for me for even looking at them as they left. I couldn't handle my emotions, I stop myself from crying as I left the bus station and went back to my room and cried there instead.
It was depressing, very very depressed. I realise that I've been at Home for so long that I was not ready to leave yet. Yes, it was a dream to reach this far halfway around the world but at times when you reach to your destination, you realise that you could have been wrong all this while, Home is where I belong the most. I miss Home so much that I eventually cried for 2 days and nights, it was hard for me to cope, I miss my room, I miss my friends, my green car, the noisy surrounding, I miss being nag for being lazy, I miss my little buddy cat, she was always there for me whenever I was lonely or down. Now, well..it felt very very lonely. My room was so quiet, so solemn, so cold and plus I was depressed, and the cold weather isn't helping at all. It made it worst.
Im still am kinda sad now actually, I prayed that everything goes well for my parents back home. I miss them so dearly much.
I still have no friends here, altho I have a flatmate I haven't get to know yet. My girlfriend tried to make me feel better, and it did, she was the only one that was there for me the whole time I was depressed. I would not know what could've happen to me if I was without her to keep me company.
I do keep contact a with a few friends back home, they knew how I felt, as they themselves had been trough the same thing as I am now. Its sad to know that I was the last one to arrive here as they finish they studies earlier than me here. except for one of my buddies but his in France which is far, If not, I could have been happy at least with a familiar face around here. As for now, Im still alone. Not exactly alone, I know that God is here with me, but this feeling of loneliness here, its one thing that is terrible to experience for anyone.
My advice for anyone that is going to study abroad, if your going to study abroad, make sure to not come too early like me, if not, bring some company like family or find a friends that are staying there temporary. Thats because being alone for 9 days, its hard to handle. For a guy like me, its very emotional, as I miss home so much..I cant even handle my own depression, I hope I could be better for the next few days to come, I hope that class begins and hopefully I can find the right friends here. At least, I wont be alone.
I came this far to make my parents proud, and Im not going to give up, I will make you proud mum and dad!
I wish everyone well back Home, and hope to see everyone during Christmas.
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