Faith In need

hate

anger

sad

emo

..............................

what else can i say now.....

how i wish i was somewhere else where problems doesn't follow...

i want to go away...

away..

far away....

where lonely meets loneliness of me...

i guess me being alone...is better...

god..

only you can explaine whats going on with me...

im not alright

im broken..inside..

i show my fake smile..everyday...

why..

tho..im thankfull for my friends who were there to cheer me up...

melvin,jason,zami,qawieem thx for the help...

since the beginning of sem 2...we hang out everyday and talk crap..

doing assingments and play games...

i know i need to face my own problems...but it really is distracting me in my studies...

i would stare and day dreaming...

thinking

thinking

all day long....

i needed faith in myself...

only god can explain

i've never said a prayer before in my life...

never...

starting tonite..

i will..

Every Day Is Exactly The Same

I belive i can see the future
Cause i repeat the same routine

wake up
drive
class
eat
class
drive
eat
watch tv
online
sleep

read from the beginning again and again...that's what i do everyday

i think i used to have a purpose
but then again, that mite have been a dream....
i can feel their eyes are watching
in case i lose myself again
sometimes i think im happy here.....
yet i still pretend

maybe in 2 and a half year it'll change..or maybe not...how sometimes i wish i could get out from the life i had now and move on to another place or country and start a new life..
i dont know how long can i stand..
some people say to me-get over it,chill,relax,dont think too much or get a girlfriend...
the last one could be worst if i choose it..i dont know what kind of person will i be for the person that im about to share a life with..i can be sucky ''bf'' if u know what i mean..or maybe i just read my own blog to myself and maybe i'll know what kind of person am i...
no realtionships for me for now..
the truth
im not a happy guy
im a depressed, emo, blur, angry...person
maybe there's more than that...
if anyone could add that up...i would love for you to comment on my blog and tell me who the fuck am i!

.....

and you know what's the best thing is about at the end of the day?

Tomorrow it starts all over again...

The little things

I get pissed at little things...
dont know why...
i hated it...
i cant changed myself..
who am i if i cant be me...

why cant i be different..
be different..
i know i changed alot..
but changed to another sick son of bastard that everyone have seen everyday by the streets
i drink
clubbing
smoke

i had to get rid of those fucking habits!
and i mean it...
including my habits of getting mad and pissed at small little things!
i hurt my best friends feelings over some small little things...again!

who the fuck am i...?!
all i know..that im just another stupit person that ever lived..

i know god wanted me to appreciate life more...eventho we've been through the worst day,week or years of our life...
i try to lived up to that...
but i just cant do it..

i can deal with fate..but not the little things

Wrong Turn

Yesterday evening was not a day for me to remember..
I was involved in an accident...where? In front of my house...yeah...stupit right.

I was on my way home..i went inside my house junction already,since my mom wanted to use the other car...so i reverse,and i went to parked near the bus stop thats infront of my house..after my mom reverse..so i went in...i look behind at 1st..the bike was very far behind me...so went to inside junction again, and thats went it happen...it happen so fast that the bike rammed me...it was like nex to me...my seat again!! the guy flew away and so does his bike...(i though it was some stunt man doing some stunts but ended up failing)..heh..

anyway

Went out to check him...thank god his alive! if he dint wear his helmet,...well..u know what will happen...he was bleeding on his left arm...i wasn't panic cause i know it wasn't my fault...cause i remember putting on the signal light to the right! so my mom decided to send him to Timbaland Hospital which was the closest...he had to get some stiches..but he was fine..

So my mom settle about the bike and car...and agreed to pay for our own damage..we want this to be settle quick,since his not from kch...

My car..well..the right door was in a total wreck! my sidemirror was gone! serious...i dont even know where...the rim was wreck too due to high impact..so i got no car for the moment...sights!

FUCK...FUCK! SON OF A BITCH!! i curse all day long cause i dint expect it would happen...

Today went to church...some of my friends ask me wheter im okay or not....im glad to have friends that really care tho..i cant really sleep due to the incident..

Oh well...like sherry said...move on...thx for talking chatting with me yesterday tho...she tried to calm me down...but i always insist...haha...wat the heck...i dont even want to remember what happen anyway...

another way for me to forget about it and make me calm these day...is music!! yeah..listening to Rise Against all day long...even when im on my way to church today...haha...so now..im chill and relex...everything is settle,my car is the garage,thinking bout finishing my assingments,play with my cat and dog...yea..normal life resumes...

this is the song that really calm me down...its Rise Against-Heaven knows....who say punk rocks no longer exist!! this is the only punk rock band that always inspired me and made me move on...

Tiredless

Its been long time i dint blog...the day pass by really fast...dint even realize its March
Class started last week...
Tiring..
Morning to Evening..

Yet

i don't feel like complaining..
receive more assignments...all due next week...
the most enjoying class i've been...Photography Class..
Gonna get my Camera soon-Nikon D60..cant wait...
Cause i ended up sleeping for awhile at Civic Center while others are busy taking pictures of buildings and views..

been playing futsal 3 times in 4 days time...very tiring,yet im not satisfied with my performance..so i decided to play more to improve...my fatigue and fitness is kinda low now...i needed a rest...but i dont seem to care bout it...hope to play futsal again this saturday or sunday...

im becoming tiredless these days...i would wake up at 7am to go to campus..due to parking spot and attendence..

but the one thing i would share to all my friends...i fall for someone for the 1st time in 5 years..but i would take things slow...cause i dont want to ruin the friendship between us.....i dint even think about having relationships for now....the word single is still in my mind.